I talked to Ronnie about "us."
I voiced all of my concerns about being in a relationship that, if we stay together, might leave me feeling lonely. He stressed to me that he had known this was coming for a long time, and that he is okay with it, though surprised that it took me so long to figure out that things just weren't the way they used to be. My problem is that I am an eternal optimist and never thought realistically about the potentially married "us." I plan on traveling, going on family road trips, and going to new places. He seems to be more of a homebody and is perfectly content staying in, and would prefer it over "wasting" money on a trip. It seemed like even if our relationship reached fruition, we would still be different people wanting different things.
So here I am now, officially not in a relationship, not seeing anyone, and trying hard not to look back and regret telling him that I'm just not in it anymore. I know it is for the best, for both of us. I want to be in a whole relationship. Not somewhere between "it's complicated" and "we're kind of together, but not dating." I want the romance, the love, and the companionship. I want someone who will kiss me all the time and miss me when I'm gone. In no way do I mean any slight against Ronnie. I think that what we had was incredible, but it petered out, and we have been left trying to balance long-distance with all of the changes that come with growing older.
He asked if we should consider dating other people and I said yes. The prospect of dating other people is daunting, but I think that good will come of it.
Caitlyn and I are headed to a movie to help me get my mind off of it.