Saturday, February 28, 2009
What a week!
So I just spent about five minutes trying to name and then rename this post and it looks like it probably won't be titled. This post will be utterly random, and likely filled with tidbits of information from the past week. By the by, I am using a Mac, so I'd prefer to hurry and get this over with. ;)
I went and saw Slumdog Millionaire today. I was going to go by myself, but I was feeling lonely so I called a bunch of friends, and ultimately ended up going with Ashley M, one of my classics friends. It was probably one of the best movies I've ever seen. I'll leave the critique to the critics, but I know I'll be buying it on DVD (not blu-ray!).
After seeing the movie and eating delicious movie theater popcorn, I decided that I would continue copying files onto my external hard drive. I had to buy that last week because my computer has been lagging since November and I've tried everything I know to fix it. I still need to copy all of my game data and track down my Windows disc so that I don't lose all of the sweet terrains I made for AOE and AOM, or have to buy another copy of Windows. In no way should the poor performance of my computer reflect on PCs as a whole. I love my computer, and though (according to DoIT) the processor is running at half of it's normal speed, I am still more satisfied with it than I would be a Mac (sorry Ryan and Laura). Cait, who owns a PC, was reppin' Macs until she rented one from the library...lol I just truly prefer PCs and the ability to right-click normally.
On another note, I will be turning in an application on Monday to attend a field school in Pylos once the study abroad program in Athens (through the UW) has ended. I emailed the professor in charge, and once I turn in my application, I am good to go! I mean this literally, I am accepted once I turn in the paperwork. This means that I'll be in Greece from May 25th until about July 8th. I am extremely excited! Here's the link to the Pylos program: Iklaina Project
On Thursday night I went out for ice cream with the classics society and then we all went skating at the Shell. I forgot how awful I am when it comes to skating, and spent a majority of the time fixing my skates on the sidelines (which is better than on my butt on the ice!). I invited Antonia, who I met through Beth on Tuesday, and she really enjoyed getting ice cream with us. She is on exchange here from France, though she is orginally from Germany. She is extremely nice and easy to get along with, and reminds me a lot of my cousin, Liz. In fact, tonight Beth and I are meeting Antonia at the Saxony for a traditional German dinner. I'm not sure what I'll eat yet...but that's okay - I'm desperately in need of company :/
So on Tuesday (Mardi Gras) I decided that I wanted to go out, and convinced Beth to come out too. Blaise was supposed to come but was probably watching the X-Files, and didn't. Anyway, Beth invited Antonia, whom she has her Energy Economics class with, to come out too, and that is how we met. Dani came too which was wonderful since she is hilarious and I had not gotten to see her in a long time. I really enjoyed explaining American Mardi Gras to Antonia and seeing her face when I explained how beads were "earned."
Today has been kind of a weird day. I have been really bummed for a few days now. I feel like I've been mean to everyone, especially Cait. I'm not sure why, but I feel kind of lonely. I'm generally optimistic and happy, but I think that the situation with Ronnie is finally bearing down upon me. I realized today that he has not been treating me like the way I think he should be. This is not intended to be mean, so I appologize if it comes off that way. When he didn't get me anything for my birthday, I pretended not to care. When it came to Christmas and he again got me nothing, I acted like it was okay, and that I had expected nothing. I spent $40 making a sweet Valentine's Day gift that was orginal and heartfelt and walked away emptied-handed and broken-hearted once again. It's not material things that I care about, that's not the point. I guess that I wish to be appreciated and cared about and loved, and if I'm putting in but getting nothing out, then I'm done. I'm sick of hearing the excuse that he doesn't know what he wants in life, but still feels the need to string me along. I promised him several years ago that no matter what happened to us romantically, we would always remain friends. But even now, I call him looking for comfort and solace, and don't even get that. My friends here offer more support than he has lately. I am tired of being on the bottom of his priorities, and tired of him not wanting to come visit. I realize that the bus costs $44 round-trip, but when you truly want to see someone, you make the monetary sacrifice. It's clear to me that he has lost interest, and I think that I finally have too. He highly values material things as opposed to experiences, which has me confounded. I am completely the opposite and would much rather have a week long trip somewhere than a new gadget. I love doing things and going out, and he seems to be fine staying in more often than I like. I don't think he has put any effort into being together again, and I don't think he will.
I just want to be loved unconditionally, and I just don't think that's going to happen if we stay together. I have lost faith in love.